Thursday Blu's : (

I'm starting to think the HONEYMOON is definitely over. Somehow, I'm saying the wrong things, doing the absurd or jokin painfully. I'm not sure how my mood suddenly changed from a happy sleepy morning to a a questionable frown. Relationships .. why does it complicate emotions or impact a beautiful day? [ugh] I don't like it like this. Arguments can break or make a relationship. Like neyo said "Hey we can be happy as we want to be, but we gotta make it work". TRUE!! I admire his lyrics they are to the T. Anyway, I apologized & I am relle extremely sincere about it. However, he didn't accept it even if he said he's ok, cause he kept drilling me about it. I feel bad x's 10 to a point where I wanna cry. I feel horrible for making him feel like that .. i do : ( I js had lunch & did the most disappointing thing EVER! I quit smoking right and today I felt so out of place & the thought of nicotine.. I craved more than ever. So i smoked a cancer stick hoping to cool me through. I did a stupid thing. I think today is stupid day. I say stupid things and do stupid things. it's so sad. I wanna go hm & cringe. Ball myself in bed & wake up tmrw instead. I doubt this will resolve soon because I don't wanna talk to anyone. I've been weakened dwn to the floor hoping something will save me from this horrible day. I can't even smirk a smile to look at myself in the mirror. Even if i did my eyes say it all. I can't pretend to be happy when i'm not. i'm the type that shows emotions through expression. [sigh] guys can be so much worst than any female on their dot. Now i'm debating going to class tonight. But i need a distraction to keep me productive. NO! I'm going. NO more slacking. This is what I wanted so I'm gonna be mature and js do it. I'm tired of everything. I need a brk from life. Wish i can adopt a genie on craigslist to flush this away. Only if things were as simple as said. So as of right now TODAY SUUCCCKS! Ima settle for online venting & read random blogs, which had so far enlightened me. I'll start by smiling font wise ( :


Ah To be a kid again .. maybe I'll skip class & indulge in some pizza w Chucky again